First Month

Today marks my first month in Tokyo. I have been staying awake until the morning to see the sun rises. I have a feeling that a welcoming change is about to happen along with this morning, among the many other mornings in my life.

Awhile ago, I was listening to Felipe and Darren talking downstairs, in the ashtray machine. It was two in morning, and if you don't say a word, you can hear the footsteps of lizards a mile away. But we were in Mexico, all of a sudden, because Felipe realized too many things in one stick worth of cigarettes. Darren is going home to Malaysia this Thursday. You never go home with a happy heart. You go home for cure, to look for a new angle to approach life because your eyes have socked out, and they cease to see what contents you, or make you happy just even for a while. I wish Darren all the good things.

My room in the morning

Last night, we had a drink in the lab. My professor, who was sitting beside me, suddenly nudged my elbow. He said he will be celebrating his 60th birthday soon. We had too many beer for a night I guess. Suddenly, he was telling me why he feels weird about getting old. You just don't change, he said. When I was your age and I was in Cambridge, I feel so many things all at once that I have to grow up even though I have no time in the world, he continued. I said the same things, I guess, are happening with me, because sometimes, I still get this funny amused feeling whenever I cross the street and everyone looks bizaare. But you know, he said, no matter how old you are, your feelings about the world, about yourself, about the things that are happening to you don't change much. The way I approach my life, and the way I want things to fall on the places that I think are right for me are still the same when I was 40 as when I was in my 20s. The only difference now that I am near 60 is perhaps that I'm beginning to ask where should I move further. It was easy when I was 40, you know life drifts by even if you don't make it so. Now, that I get older, I also get this feeling of not feeling death anymore. Birthday makes you pensive a little, he apologized.

Purpose brings people together. Today marks my first month in Tokyo, and I am 23. I swear there are a million things still awaiting to happen for me every sunrise.